Yesterday was Father’s Day.

A day upon which we remember, and hopefully honor our fathers. To acknowledge their lives and their contributions to our lives. To thank them for the indelible bond they formed with us when we were children.

Fathers are our first role model.  And by that, it could mean a very good, productive, strong role model.  Or possibly … not.

Many times, our path in life is initially shaped by our fathers. This could include our chosen profession. Our outlook on love, happiness and life. Ideally, we learn how to treat and honor our future partners by observing how our father interacted and engaged with our mother.

Many times, our views on education, on work ethic, on morality, on our leisure activities are shaped by our fathers. They support us when we are down. They share in our victories and our sorrows. Being the disciplinarian when needed. And perhaps, teaching us that life is hard. That we will fail early and often. But failing is not the important thing. So long as we embrace the need to pick ourselves up after each fall, learn from it, and use that to become wiser and bolder.

Collaboration and shared parenting with our mothers cannot be understated in terms of importance. From each, we learn something different. Something important.  And without that shared perspective on life, so too our own views on life can be rendered incomplete, or biased, or less enlightened and evolved.

In fact, the evidence is overwhelming … children are more likely to thrive— behaviorally and academically, and ultimately in the labor market and adult life—if they grow up with the advantages of a two-parent home. Numerous academic studies confirm that children raised in married parent homes are less likely to get in trouble in school or with the law; they are more likely to graduate high school and college; they are more likely to have higher income and be married themselves as adults. Research suggests that boys are especially disadvantaged by the absence of dads from their homes. These facts are indisputable.

And doesn’t that pertain to everything in life? A balance in friends, in work colleagues, in associates? Differing, yet intelligent views being debated respectfully. Being open to the endless possibilities in life that are before us. Without that diversity of thought, that diversity of wisdom, the views and perspectives that our dads brought to us, views very different than that brought by our mothers, we are incomplete. We are more likely to settle back into the comfort of those who think exactly like us, act like we do, have the same viewpoints and outlook on all issues. We become tribal.

It is inevitable that one of two manifestations occur in a tribe. One, we become complacent and lazy in our thinking and exploration. We only look for circumstances which support our tribe’s beliefs. After all, we are safe within our tribe. We do not need to expand our horizons. The group mentality predominates. We are correct on all issues within our tribe. 

The second manifestation is we become warlike. Because we are right, because we believe we are just, because we believe our tribe is all powerful, because we believe our views are the absolute best for society, we must impose our views on society as a whole. After all, it is for the common good. Our tribe knows best. And society WILL comply with our views.

This is particularly true in the eating disorder community and its tribe. Now make no mistake, these are two very different groups of people.

The eating disorder community consists of those families, husbands, wives, dads, moms, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters … people who are struggling with eating disorders. Those who are doing the suffering, the living and the dying.

But what constitutes the eating disorder community tribe? This tribe largely consists of women who tend to be politically and socially very far left; extremist in their disregard of medical sciences and related objective standards and criteria; wishing to enforce their view of centering persons based on the color of their skin or the larger product of mass and gravitational force applied instead of prioritizing those who are the most gravely ill; spewing forth their ideological blather regardless of accuracy and integrity knowing that the likelihood of adverse repercussions for their misconduct and irrational belief system is inconsequential.

As for dads and this eating disorder community tribe, observation and experience teach us that for the most part, dads are verboten … not welcome. Routinely dads are ostracized, forsaken, ignored, pushed aside, back stabbed. Unless of course that dad kowtows to the tribe’s uncompromising extremist views and meekly complies with the tribe’s dictates.

I could, once again, set forth the overwhelming facts and statistics supporting this opinion, as I did in this past article:

https://adadsjourneywitheatingdisorders.home.blog/2019/08/05/mobilize-the-marginalized-members/

But what would be the point? Again, those are simply statistics, facts, reason and logic. But the eating disorder tribe does not base its mania upon facts, reason and logic. Its mania embraces over the top emotionalism and self-loathing. Instead of debating and discussing complex biological, genetic and societal structures and proposing workable solutions, the tribe simply slaps a label on an issue, lifts high their pitchforks and burning torches and declares victory.

And the eating disorder community is worse off for that.

In the second part of this missive, we will look at the ramifications on eating disorders which have resulted from the attitudes and misconduct of the eating disorder community tribe. It is likely to not be pretty especially since we will look at facts, logic and reason.

But never forget, we dads persevere. We have resolve and resiliency. Yes, at times and ok, more often than not, we need direction. But we undertake tasks with passion, strength and determination.

Up until now, the eating disorder community tribe has acted with impunity, without interference or push back from dads. No longer.

That needs to end. For the sake of all.