In the iconic television series, “Ted Lasso,” Coach Ted Lasso is challenged to a game of darts by the series villain, Rupert Mannion. Mannion brilliantly plays the role of the bad guy, spinning webs of deceit and betrayal wherever he goes. Lasso plays a bumbling, seemingly out of his element, eternal optimist brought in to coach a soccer team in the highest division in the UK. Unbeknownst to Lasso, he was specifically brought in to fail. And yet.

During the dart game, in which Manion “sandbagged” his own skills, so too did Lasso.  Which leads to one of Lasso’s many great lines, “I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, it was painted on a wall there, it said, Be Curious, Not Judgmental. And I like that.”

As the game reached its climax, Lasso remarked, “All them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them were curious. You know, they thought they had everything figured out, so they judged everything. And they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me, who I was had nothing to do with it. For if they were curious, they would have asked questions. You know.”

Be Curious … Not Judgmental.

The latest “Be Curiosity Not Judgmental” test happened on June 12, 2023. On that date, a study was published online involving obesity and the brain. Of course, the study itself was not free and would cost you $29.99 if you did not have keys to that Magic Kingdom.

Various media outlets published an article about the study the same day. Some of these articles were entitled: 

“Obesity Changes the Brain, With No Sign of Reversibility, researchers find.”

“Obesity impairs brain responses to nutrients, even after weight loss, study finds.” 

“Obesity changes the brain, with no sign of reversibility, expert says.”

“Obesity impairs brain responses to nutrients, even after weight loss, study finds.”

“Obesity can mess with the way your brain reacts to food to stop you feeling full — and the damage may be permanent.”

One study, a number of different media outlets and articles.

The study itself is 19 pages long with a number of charts, tables, footnotes and more multi-syllabic words than a Chinese translation of the Dead Sea Scrolls.

And yet, when any study mentions the word, “Obesity,” a certain group grabs their pitchforks, they light their torches, they figuratively march on whatever publication dares to mention the “O” word and they protest mightily. Most will never even read the study. They don’t even need to review the study. (Or the numerous other studies addressing the brain and the biological aspects and obesity and eating disorders.)

Some people don’t need to ask any questions. Some don’t need to seek greater enlightenment. Some don’t need to be curious. They know what they know. Their judgment is in. This is true even for professionals in the eating disorder industry. Those who refuse to even spell the word, “Obesity.”  As if putting an asterisk in place of the letter “e” will signal to the medical community, the mental health community at large, and for that matter, society at large, that they have greater knowledge than anyone else.

Your judgment is in.

You do not need to ask any questions.

You do not need to seek higher knowledge.

You dare not listen to opinions different than yours.

More’s the pity.

Recently, I received a social media message part of which read, “You say you stand [for] those who have experienced these deadly disorders but you don’t give that grace to those who don’t fit your narrative.”

This statement piqued my curiosity. And raised numerous questions in my mind. It made me wonder, “what is my narrative?”  For that matter, do I even have a narrative?

I have had the privilege of representing the stereotypical “little, rich, white girl.” I have also had the privilege of representing an incredibly strong willed, African-American lesbian woman with a high BMI. I have represented and helped boys, men, women, girls, families. I have had giants in the eating disorder community befriend me. I have helped people suffering from this insidious illness to get into treatment centers.

I have rejoiced with those who have recovered. I have mourned with those whose beloved children or loved ones succumbed to this illness.

And then, it hit me. 

Why do we even need a narrative? Aren’t eating disorders the true and only villain? The only opponent? Isn’t that enough? Isn’t having a common opponent all we really need?

Isn’t it enough that eating disorders take the lives of our loved ones? Isn’t it enough that eating disorders take the physical health, the mental health, the happiness, the joy, the love out of life?

How and why have we let the tribal mentality so prevalent in national politics become pervasive in the eating disorder community? Isn’t it enough that our children are being sacrificed each and every day?

Why the petty arguments in the eating disorder community? Why the backstabbing?  Why the fear? Why the ignorance?

Have we really forgotten that which is so important?

Why do we attempt to shut out intelligent voices who disagree with our viewpoints? Isn’t the very best way to learn, to expand our knowledge, is to surround yourself with intelligent people who disagree with your views?

What happened to curiosity? What happened to our relentless pursuit of knowledge, to explore the vast untapped, resources of knowledge that have eluded us?

Isn’t collaboration in our families’ best interest? Isn’t the exchange of differing viewpoints of the utmost importance? Why can’t we strongly and passionately disagree on topics and issues without attacking the person? [That last question comes from the Steven Dunn School of Hypocrisy.]

Why can’t we have a community wherein all intelligent, cogent viewpoints are discussed openly and with an open mind, an open heart and a willing soul?

Why can’t we get to that one day where we as a community can say … Bar-B-Que sauce?