How does your idea, or theory, or statement or raison d’être help those families whose loved ones are suffering from eating disorders?

That is the question. The fundamental question. THE question that every organization, research professional, clinician, or advocate needs to be asking themselves.

Then after deep self-reflection, hopefully they have a substantive, powerful answer affirming their commitment to the family. For the greater good.

Everything you do, from something as seemingly small as replacing an “e” in a word with an asterisk, to using pronouns after your name, to fighting with insurance claims adjusters, to fighting with peer review doctors, to fighting over the wording of a survey that very few people will read … everything you do must be placed under the lens of “how is this helping the families who are suffering right now.”

What is the power of your message and how does that help those families who are so struggling right now?

Every organization, whether its focus is on eating disorders, mental health in general, or corporate work, must be greater than that one person who leads it. That person who may lead those entities is merely a conduit for the message that organization embraces.

It can never be about one individual. The issues and complexities in the research and treatment of eating disorders are far too vast for one person.

The series, Ted Lasso provides some insight into this.  In the show, Trent Crimm, a talented reporter/author who has been shadowing the team is writing a book about the season. He asks Coach Lasso for his input on a draft of the book. The only advice Lasso gives is:

A number of people have expressed concern that the eating disorder community is more splintered and divisive than at any other time. This statement, if true, is not just concerning but incredibly sad. 

After all, doesn’t everyone have the same end goal? Isn’t everyone’s long game the same, that is helping as many people, as many families as is humanly possible? Aren’t we all working toward the same goal?

And if we are all working toward the same goal, how can there be division? How can organizations in the community possibly be splintered? Doesn’t every entity have a common goal of increasing our understanding of eating disorders and then utilizing intelligent, evidence-based treatment to help the most families. A common goal for the common good.

If that is the case, aren’t we justified in asking whether organizations in the community are truly splintered? Does divisiveness come from organizations? The answers to these questions are fairly obvious. No, of course not.

Organizations do not have egos. Organizations do not have the frailties which define people’s existence. Organizations do not have feelings and emotions. Organizations do not implement emotion-based conduct designed to back stab and hurt.

But individuals do. People certainly do.

And it is from those frailties, it is from the egos, it is from the dysfunctionality which exist in some of our feelings and emotions, when allowed to define our very existence, which cause us to fail. That cause divisiveness. That blur our eyesight from its focus on a common cause.

And so to all, I ask us individually and collectively to explore our own ego. For those who have reached the stage where you are concerned with your legacy, I ask you to put those thoughts aside. Just be the authentic you. Don’t worry about your legacy.  History will make its own judgments.

To those “closed groups” on Facebook and other social media which only allow people of “like minds” to join and post, open your groups, open your minds, open your hearts. You know what you know but you don’t know what you don’t know. Do not remain an echo chamber which only resonates your own ideas and opinions. Stretch the boundaries of your knowledge and imagination by listening with an open mind to others.

To those in the community who know the identities of those who oppose or differ with your views or articles, to those whom you do not respect, reach out to them in the spirit of professionalism. Seek to acquire new knowledge. Seek to collaborate. Seek to expand your role as a mere conduit for a message by expanding the breadth and substance of a more powerful message.

Explore the limitless capacity of love by removing your ego. Become that person who brings divergent messages together. Be that person who finds a way to help people who are so imprisoned by their own pain, fear or insecurity, to find comfort and reassurance from all sources. Become that person whose message is so powerful, that even people who initially oppose you and not necessarily your message stand up, take notice and become curious and open.

If we do those things, if we embrace the reality that “it is not about us, it never was,” then we can get to that place where we are able to help those families who are so suffering from this insidious illness.

Because after all … isn’t that truly our one universal goal?