We exist in a perpetual moving cycle of life, death and rebirth. In that cycle, we may be given the opportunity to discover and if we have the wisdom, to embrace a greater understanding of ourselves. And maybe as well, we will receive a brief glimpse of our soul’s purpose on this plain of existence.

Life. Death. Rebirth.

Questioning what awaits us. Exploring the unanswerable questions of … do we have a soul? And, what awaits us after we leave this existence?

Life. Death. Rebirth.

Fewer things frighten people as much as the belief that death is the end. It is eternal. It is darkness. It is final and everlasting. For so many of us, we fear the great unknown. We do not understand it. For many of us, we do all we can to delay the inevitable. If we are bestowed with the gifts of logic, reason and wisdom, we understand that each day of life brings us closer to our last day of life.

And so, we are afraid.

Three years ago, when Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani and her colleagues wrote a paper on “Terminal Anorexia,” she brought to the forefront of our consciousness the great unknown.  Our greatest fear. Our mortal existence. When confronted with a difficult topic which is controversial or which stirs deep emotions, more often than not, people react with fear. With anger. With what they believe is righteous indignation.

I was certainly the Grand Master of that parade of indignation.  Filing complaints with medical boards. Writing scathing articles. Calling her “Dr. Death.” Certainly, the death of my beloved daughter clouded my vision on this issue. In addition, death visited me far too often in a very short time frame.  Within thirteen (13) months, my father, my mother and my older brother were all taken.

And so, my logical, reasoning brain took a holiday. This was a crusade. A righteous mission. And then, life happened.

I was afforded the opportunity to meet with Dr. Gaudiani and look her in the eyes. To ask questions. To challenge her. It was an opportunity to spew forth my views on death, and the soul, and our existence. By God my righteous indignation was going to be heard!

But inexplicably, I experienced a soul. A person in pain. A person in fear. A person who desired to be heard on this most difficult issue. And so, I listened. And learned.

And, I found a person of compassion. I also discovered that perhaps Dr. Gaudiani reasoned that what awaits us after this existence is not something to be feared but instead, is a release from pain. A new beginning. A transition to a higher level of consciousness. Bringing us one step closer to a greater understanding of our soul. A step closer to the Divine.

In the past few months I also discovered at the time the paper on “Terminal Anorexia” was being written, one of her co-authors, Dr. Joel Yager, was battling for his own life. Cancer had sunk its insidious claws into Dr. Yager. It finally claimed his life at 83 years old on December 22, 2024. Imagine if you can, that as you are fighting for your own life, as you are facing the greatest fear of all, you are contributing to this controversial issue. What incredible courage and strength that must have taken. And another life lesson was learned.

One of the more admirable qualities a person can have is the ability to look at themselves, acknowledge past mistakes, own those mistakes and then, take steps to rectify those mistakes.

That journey is so incredibly difficult. It requires a person to be vulnerable. To be open to the gift of being able to listen to learn. To her immense credit, Dr. Gaudiani did exactly that.

She reached out to people who not just strongly disagreed with her, but who sought to end her career. She hosted a summit in Denver in which persons who both agreed and disagreed with her views were granted the opportunity to state their opinions and points of view. To talk. To start a journey of greater understanding and cooperation.

Dr. Gaudiani admitted her mistakes. And desired to listen to those who disagreed with her. Those who sought collaboration.  That journey was not always smooth and trouble free. But most persons persevered. She actively sought professionals who disagreed with her views. And from those discussions and meetings, an evolution began to happen.

An evolution of not just the thinking about end of life, but an evolution of the heart. An evolution of the soul. An evolution of substance.

This past week, the Journal of Eating Disorders published an article written by Dr. Gaudiani. That article is embedded here:

https://jeatdisord.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40337-025-01279-x

I strongly believe that had this article been written first, Dr. Gaudiani would be looked upon as a pioneer in how we care for the sickest of the sick. There is intelligence, compassion, testing boundaries, a firm, resolved commitment to her patients expressed in the article.  And it would set the foundational standard upon which intelligent discourse and future collaborative conduct could have been built.  And hopefully … that is what happens now.

There will always be those who oppose and seek to denigrate Dr. Gaudiani. Not just her viewpoints and medical opinions. But her as a person. These people tend to personalize an issue. More often than not, because their identities become the very topic at issue. The world to them is black and white. They cannot separate the professional from the opinion. And they languish in their own fear.

I still strongly oppose medical aid in dying for anorexic patients. A society struggling with how we keep alive our loved ones afflicted with this illness is light years away from being able to intelligently and compassionately implement a protocol which assists our loved ones into their next plain of existence. We know so very little about this illness. What we do know, our knowledge, wisdom and understanding have been clouded by tribal idiocy.

Dr. Gaudiani and I have communicated on a frequent basis. Our communications have gone from initially hesitant, respectful, and perhaps a bit distrustful to … sending each other family photos on holidays. Dr. Gaudiani was gracious enough to take a call from my sister who was struggling with a severe gastrointestinal issue.

Whereas I strongly believe that medical aid in dying should not be utilized for anorexia nervosa, I just as strongly believe that this topic, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, should and must be discussed among professionals. Opinions, research and experience must be shared.  We cannot possibly make progress if we are unwilling or unable to meet with fellow professionals, set aside our personal animus, and explore all options.

Finally, I believe that Dr. Gaudiani has a right to be very proud of this article. Mostly because of the substance behind the words. She has found a way to “humanize” very deep emotions and given grace and a platform to allow intelligent discussion on one of the most complex riddles which faces humankind today … our very existence.

I hope and pray that as a community, we can utilize a hopeful message as a rallying cry for unity. Society and our culture will not allow us to reach an accord on all points of disagreements.  Our fear will not allow us.

That is not important. But, collaboration, respect and giving grace. Aren’t those the qualities which bring us wisdom and insight? Aren’t those the very qualities which bring us closer to the Divine?